堕落云端

所谓别人的好意，我到底是不懂得推辞，但不是自己的，不要就是不要，再好也不要。即使当着人前接受了，回头还是要扔的。我知道这次还是如此，不要。

人情是要还的，但还是不理解，为什么不问我怎么想的。难道我不说就代表我愿意？凭什么人家看上我我就得接受，这算什么玩意儿？怎么就大家都那样了我也得那样？不那样就是不成熟兼不懂事且不正常？无法理解。。也许我真是个变态， 那我宁愿是个变态。。

得罪人的事是真的不愿办，可怕的是他们都不知道我的脾气，如果是没了办法，就只好走开。追女孩在我眼里是无用功，不喜欢的就是不喜欢，没得商量。。。浪费精神。。。

一万年碰上一个真喜欢的，活该自己独一辈子吧，其实我也没后悔。。。他们都瞎着急个什么劲儿，真是要命 =.=

How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova in the sky
Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams, she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why
Why-why-why-why-i-i
(guitar solo)
How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannonball
Where were you while we were getting high?
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova in the sky
Someday you will find me
Caught beneath the landslide
In a champagne supernova
A champagne supernova
'Cuz we don't believe
That they're gonna get away from the summer
But you and I will never die
The world's still spinning around we don't know why
Why-why-why-why-i-i
(a really long guitar solo)
(background - sounds like a bunch of "No"'s)
(birds chirping)
(more guitar)
How many special people change?
How many lives are living strange?
Where were you while we were getting high?
We were getting high <-- 9 times, background "Oooh-oooh"
(Fades out 7th-9th times to just one "Oooh-oooh")
(Song gets really quiet, fades to a peaceful guitar solo.)

快，记得去年大概就是这个时候来了纽约。走的那天也是下雨，冷得直抖。居然还是有人送的，然后就坐上大巴，甩甩手离开了。

忽然想起了那个住了很久的空荡荡的地下室，没有天花板，没有木地板，就用了那么不到一半的地方给自己做了个窝，那面墙不知道有没有人再去留意过，粉刷的时候还挺开心的。

抱歉，走的时候连招呼都没打。

今天就那么一个钟头闲，于是爬上了我家 Tiger Lou 的网站，看见 Firefox AK的链接自然也不好错过，于是发现了大半年前苦找了一阵的 The Draft 歌词，于是一定要复制粘贴一下

 The Draft Feat Tiger Lou

I love the way
She enters a room with out a trace
When shoved
She’s not a treat

I adore the way
She carries herself with poise and grace
To the point
Where I think I might forget

Keep the attack short and fast
Let the blow be swift not slow

I love the way
He stumbles down a flight of stairs
They scream in awe
So puzzled and so amazed

I adore the way
He answers all our silent prayers
We join hands and form a circle
Completley dazed

Keep the attack short and fast
Let the blow be swift not slow

另外， Ian Brown 的 For The Glory 也终于列出了歌词

Sow the wind and reap the whirlwind
Through the rain and through the shine
Only something with a meaning can stand the test of time
I really should've told ya
I really wanna hold ya
You gotta know you won't miss your water till the well runs dry

Cast the spell and catch the spellbound
Sing the song and bang the drum
Feel the need and just believe
The best is yet to come
I really should have told ya
I really wanna hold ya
You gotta know you won't miss your water till the well runs dry.

But when the bombs begin to fall
I didn't do it for the roses
As I was striding 10 feet tall
Well that's another story
For the glory

The good that you do
Will carry you through
Yeah, yeah
I did it for you
I didn't do it for the glory

Cry like you never cried before
See my picture on your wall
Laugh like you've never laughed at all as
All is meant to be
The wonders never cease

And when the bombs begin to fall
I didn't do it for the roses
As I was striding 10 feet tall
Well that's another story
For the glory

The good that you do
Will carry you through
Yeah, yeah
I did it for you
I didn't do it for the glory

上一次坐地铁去Manhattan，是为了考license. 时间过得很快，居然快半年了。这半年，上班上班上班，好容易有个周末，也是睡到下午，醒几个小时，又去睡了。

莫名其妙的，跟人家去约会。周五下着雨，冷得穿了风衣。跟老板说，既然这周中本该休息一天，如今却已经到了周末，不如索性早离开两个小时。于是坐上了地铁。在中间的站下了车，找到光秃秃等在雨里的他，说回来，记忆中的男生们好像都是不带伞的。然后就任由他带着我转车，完全不知这是要去哪里。

所谓约会似乎都是差不多的。上一次的约会还是大约的七年以前。不算不觉得什么，这么一说出来，反倒是有点可怕了。越单独习惯了，越摆脱不得这习惯。没有任何得兴奋或者紧张，就这么淡淡得面对着这已经早已生疏了的俗套。吃饭，聊天，不习惯别人买单的我稍微有点别扭地让别人买单。再走在街上的时候，雨已经停了。拥挤的Manhattan显然是不那么冷的。空气也不差，抬头看着高楼间挤出的那一片淡薄的乌云，心里反而是轻松了许多。并排站在十字路口，回头张望着过往的车流，感觉到他的手指尖在我肩头轻轻的点着。试探我？呵，没什么好反驳的。于是手就搭在了肩上。这一次，如果不是碰到了胆大不怕凶婆娘的，就是我如今确实是比较平易近人了吧。然后，八辈子不进游乐场的人跟他去打game, 还居然发现自己很有玩疯了的天赋。然后，五六年没跟人去过电影院的人进了电影院，一句话，只要不看 Harrry Potter,其他都没太大所谓。进场以前给妈打了个电话，让她今天不要等我聊天了。电话那头还要加句摸不着头脑的话，你这么大了，打算什么时候结婚？？ 靠。。。劳资自己也不知道好伐。。

恩，大概就是这么着了。满足一些某些人的好奇心。

不懂为什么有人劝我找男朋友。全当我心理变态好了。只是觉得，如果没有遇到，何必去找。所谓的两个人好过一个人，没有体会得出来。所谓得依靠，我是早就一点一点戒掉了，依靠没有一个是靠得牢固得。那个逼我去约会得八婆说过一句话，我们这一代，没有几个是有安全感得，但像你这么极端得也实在少见。我是一点也没有反驳。她是对得吧，但经过了那么多年，我自己也没有见得什么不好，反而是少祸害了很多善良得人。积点阴德，何乐不为呢。不过应该承认，人太要强了不好，希望没走到我这个地步得人最终不要走到我这个地步。独立过了头，就不好回头了吧。我这样六七年不起歹念的，再回来碰这些，只觉得是有点新鲜，人心的好坏却也分辨不清楚了。那天回来，反复再想，如果当初没有拒绝，现在是怎么样呢。我只不过是因为比其他人都脆弱，都伤不得心，所以就自己走开了。

Apparently, I didn’t get it….

Nothing went wrong but there is no deal, either. How come here is a second one…Maybe I’m just so out of practice to catch it..Pretty lame..Well another posibility is coz I didn’t feel uncomfortable so it means I should take it a yes. I definitley need a consultant or something for this  = =

Hell, anyway I’m going out on Wednesday again, so let me see how it does. Hope it won’t be a trouble since I already have enough to deal with. Let me try how you normal people live in this world, even though I can smell failure already.

The funny thing is when I asked my friend why you thought about me, the answer was ..he’s single and looking for a girl well you’re already too old to waste your time….Unbelievable….= =

Oh yeah..正式当阿姨了！我家小妮妮哭的很响亮啊~挖哈哈哈哈~~~

我爸今天说，你的那些小画书都没扔，现在在地下室呢。

啊啊啊啊~~~劳资的全套大开本 幽游白书 和 天使禁猎区！！！！

经常感觉本来周围就不多的那么几个熟悉的朋友都不经意间离自己越来越远。有些就是消失了，有些即使是在哪里遇到也不再说话。有些可以挽回，有些已经失去了。只想告诉自己，即使失去了，还是会想念，还是会记得以前的好。那些邮箱里积攒的陈年email,虽然很怕再打开温习，却总舍不得删去。起码那是曾经的好。我不轻易忘记美好，即使现在变成了痛。所以，如果还记得我，请不要忘记我。应该不会活很久，这不是傻话，再有个三五年，我也会消失了。

This week completely sucked. Oh, crap…

I thought I set myslef free. Apparently, it is not true. A pain is a pain. Good memory never drops the painful moments. Most of the time, I just ignored and denied them. That’s what I could do.

Maybe I’m not working hard enough…maybe…

今天 Ocean 出世了。刚才在医院把他抱在怀里，才不到12个小时，眼睛居然那么闪亮。回家的路上，发觉自己真的是精疲力尽了，腿感觉是要断了。

准备八月初搬家，最近实在是吵得不能睡。

总之是累，没时间顾其他得。。就想自己一个人静一会再睡个饱觉。

人和人不一样，不过总遇到同样的问题。但人与人不一样， 所以同样的问题解决方式不同，结果也不同。

我知道自己没有资格劝别人， 一个给自己画了个傻圈圈然后死活爬不出来的人。记性好不是好事，没心没肺是莫大的福气。

还有，其实真不是眼光高，但就是碰不到。而且，一个人待习惯了，不晓得怎么和别人相处了。

What do I want?

长远的计划总是在不停变化，走了一步，最多想想下一步。走过来，回过头去看，那就是what I got and what else do I want..

兄弟姐妹们咱都要坚持住…

大黑这个礼拜二挂了，算起来也是原著鱼中最后壮烈的一只。光荣。

这就是说的我，这个礼拜简直是走狗屎运。大祸临头总有人来救场。。乱七八糟，乱七八糟！！！！

还有，大黑的装死技术实在高明，横在水里一动不动弹， 过个5秒钟，忽然一个翻身，摇着尾巴就游走了。。非常搞飞机 =.=

还有， H1B正式批下来了，松了一口气。